Greetings BuddySlimmers! Just a bit of a background on me I suppose to start things off. First, I can be completely random. I have this wonderful “gift” (or curse, depends on how you look at it lol) of writing what seems to be novels. So perhaps as a word of caution, you should understand that I have a bad habit of long blogging (at least I have in the past on other networking sites haha). I generally speak my mind and let no one use me as a doormat, but I try to be kind and gentle with my words rather than obnoxious. I find you can help promote positive change in the lives of others by kindness and reason; not to mention it is easier for someone to open up to your viewpoint when you show them respect.
I have been overweight my whole life, I cannot remember even as a child not being overweight (although I DO have an adorable picture of me when I was 3 and I looked “normal”). My Mom used to sometimes buy the fancy pageantry dresses for me to wear to church. I can remember one time we were at the shop getting a new one I was about 5 or 6 years old. I remember the lady asked what size we needed and she brought us a dress to look at and for me to try on…but I needed a 6X because I was “husky”. It’s really odd some of the things you remember. I don’t really know WHY I remember that particular dress buying experience versus other ones, but I do.
I have tried diets and weight loss pills off an on several times. I have contemplated getting gastric bypass surgery or even a lapband, and have gone for 2 consultations for getting gastric bypass. I went through those in 2006, when I was still working for the telephone company. My weight was out of control and I was under so much stress at work that my doctor had put me on some kind of medication. I went to the doctor once for an office visit and honestly just walking from my truck into the building I was almost out of breath. The same was true for walking from the waiting room, going back to get weighed and finally getting up on the exam table. My blood pressure was high because I was so out of breath and I could feel that my heart rate was elevated just from doing that…yet I was still in denial about my health until she prescribed the pills. I took the pills, which I believe were water pills because I had a LOT of swelling going on at the time, and never went back for a follow-up. I didn’t want to be on high blood pressure medication at such a young age. I had excellent insurance through my job, so I made the appointment to meet with doctors regarding surgery. The first consultation the doctor was rude and told me I would have to have the huge cut down the center of my stomach because my BMI was over 50. The second doctor was extremely nice and explained everything thoroughly and addressed all of my concerns and told me, they have and could do the larpo surgery on me, it would not be a problem. I had an appointment with a nutritionist, because I had to get the 6 months in for my insurance to qualify me. I did not last at my job that long. I ended up quitting within the month because I just could not handle the stress levels any longer. So, along with the job went the insurance and I never returned to begin the appointments with the nutritionist. I really had mixed feelings about getting surgery in the first place. I know it is a very dangerous surgery, I know several people that have had either the bypass or the lapband and many of them have had some serious problems requiring hospital stays afterward. The biggest hangup I had about getting surgery, I felt surgery was the easy way out and that yeah, you accomplish weight loss but that it really isn’t “work” other than you can no longer eat things like refined sugars without it having negative effects on you (i.e., “dump syndrome”). I wanted my weight loss to be unassisted by the medical community, I wanted it to be because I WORKED at it.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I do know that there are people who have the surgery because it is quite frankly the ONLY option that they have. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with ANYONE getting the surgery!!! For me personally, I KNEW I had other options and I felt if I were to have it that I would be taking the easy way out of it, and that isn’t what I wanted. I wanted weight loss to mean something to me other than a casual, yeah I had surgery and lost weight and now I can eat how I want. I hope that makes sense to people. The biggest thing behind me thinking that, I know of someone that had her surgery in 2004. She weighed 400 lbs and got down to about 160 or 180 lbs, she is about 5′9″. She had to go through the counseling and going to the nutritionist to “prove” she could not lose weight without medical intervention and surgery.
Summer of 2007 came and the family and I went on a 2 week vacation back to my husband’s home in Michigan. I dreaded going. I was going to be meeting his best friend for the very first time and I knew I looked horrible. I had to go buy some new clothes, which was depressing in itself. I was barely able to get into size 24, was ready for size 26. When you’re only 5′3″, it is NOT flattering!!! I saw some of the pictures of myself from when we visited Sault Ste. Marie and the Locks and I looked PREGNANT!!! My clothes were so ill-fitting it was unreal. I had reached my heaviest, 312 lbs. Before we left out for Michigan, I saw a Woman’s World magazine that had a cover story “Better than Gastric Bypass” and it was a story about the Kimkins diet. When we got back home, I checked out the site and joined, that was the very end of June. By the end of September I had reached my lowest that I had been in a while, 273 lbs…a total weight loss of about 38 lbs. I wasn’t following the Kimkins plan strictly either. Then I came upon the dreaded bad press of Kimkins and it’s founder, “Kimmer”. I was totally bummed and stopped the diet, even though it was working for me.
I did really well for the next year maintaining my weight loss, then September of 2008 it seemed like my world was falling apart. My Mom had a massive stroke and we almost lost her. We were right in the middle of selling our home and buying another one when Mom’s problems started. I won’t go into detail with it all, but just suffice it to say that had it not been for God’s grace, I do not know how in the world I have kept my sanity with everything that happened and continued to pile up into bigger problems. To escape the stress, I turned back to eating. I was always feeling hungry so I was eating and I was eating all the wrong things…cakes, cookies, cupcakes, fast food, greasy bacon cheeseburgers and lots and lots of Coke. I decided in November of last year I needed to get myself back on track but just could not focus or motivate myself to start eating right. Finally August of this year, I finally said enough is enough when I saw my weight on the scales had once again crept over 300…this time it was 306.8 and I was wearing a size 26 in jeans now…which were fairly snug. I am happy to say that I can fit back into size 22 jeans, squeeze back into 2 pair of my size 20s AND…the 26s…well….they pretty much are falling off of me now 
As of now, I eat lots of lean protein foods and am working very hard at maintaining a lower carb intake than I was previously, getting fresh fruits and vegetables and whole grains. I do allow myself a treat every now and again and know that if I allow them in moderation both in size and frequency, it does not effect the weight loss. I am grilling my foods instead of deep frying them and will have a Coke on rare occasions…not even once per week. I have lost about 27 lbs since August 12th and am still working at losing more.
What is my ideal weight and size? Honestly, I have no clue! According to the BMI information and experts, for my height I should weigh between like 104 and 141. For now, the goal is to *SEE* 140. Once I am there, I will re-evaluate myself. As far as what size? I could not even begin to tell you. During my adult life, the smallest size I have been was a size 16 and was nearing a size 14….all before I had my second child. When I got pregnant with him, I gained 50 lbs (I ate a LOT of steak…I craved it!) and had to have an emergency c-section. Since then, I have had a closet full of clothes that I have not been able to get back into. I will post some starting photos when I feel more comfortable with it lol. I hate the pictures but I know it is part of the process of acceptance and getting out of the denial….facing the reality, no matter how unkind or unpretty it may be.
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